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April, 2005 update - Member number 8 checks in
Who knew there were so many noob eBay experts?
After not bothering to read the listing and wasting my time asking me for a total, she (I never did get a handle on exactly who it was, it's a male e-mail address, but a doll was bid on, probably the wife or girlfriend, who knows) sends me a butchered non-USPS money order.
So I give her the bad news thusly -
There's no way my bank will accept your money order, I've been through this before.
That's one reason my listing specifies USPS with regard to money orders.
When I receive your next payment, I'll send this one with your merchandise.
Simple, right?
I really didn't want to get into a discussion of why my bank, despite being familiar with me, won't accept a money order on which the payee name has been scratched out and a correction written, even if the change has been initialed (which it wasn't). They have hard-and-fast rules about it regardless of how often they might see your face.
Understandable, considering the sheer numbers of of stolen checks and whatnot. And also something about which I know from previous experience one will not win the argument. USPS isn't nearly as punctilious, they would just cash it.
So, does she apologize for the aggravation?
Well, yes and no -
i aM SORRY THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BID ON EBAY AND I ACCIDTENTLY [sic] WROTE ON THE WRONG OWON [sic] I WILL SEND A NEW ONE OUT IN A FEW DAYS IN THE MEAN TIME [sic] I WOULD APPERICATE [sic] IF YOU WOULD SEND MINE BACK ASAP THANK YOU
And simultaneously starts a SquareTrade "dispute" about which I get a notice, which I promptly ignore.
The Caps Lock screaming and the silly SquareTrade thing were not auspicious signs.
So I pointed out a few of her growing list of offenses to common sense and her lack of willingness to remedy her self-created problem without making demands on anyone else to shoulder her responsibility -
Why are you wasting time with SquareTrade? This is a simple matter.
You didn't bother to ask if the money order would be acceptable before it was sent. You also ignored the clearly stated term in the listing that only USPS money orders are accepted. Had you used a USPS money order, unlike picky banks who consider a scratched-out payee name to indicate theft, the USPS would have allowed me to cash it.
It's not my responsibility to waste the time to address an envelope or to pay for the stamp to correct your mistake.
Unless a stamped, self-addressed envelope is provided, the unacceptable money order will only be returned with your merchandise after it is paid for with an acceptable form of payment.
To which she responded -
If you dont [sic] mail either the doll or the money i will assume you stole the money and I will seek further actions including the law. I didnt ask for you to be snotty twards [sic] me. I just mailed the same money order to a person in north carolina [sic] . So dont [sic] tell me you cant [sic] find a place to cash it.
Reminds me of another Hall member who thought I was holding her payment instrument hostage.
But, an hour later, some sanity seems to have returned -
I MAILED OUT A SELF ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPED [sic] THIS AFTERNOON . PLEASE MAIL BACK THE MONEY ORDER AND I WILL SEND YOU A NEW ONE IF NOT JUST FORGET ABOUT THE DOLL YOU CAN KEEP IT
But, alas, any seeming sanity was only accidental, as she left me negative feedback before she sent those two e-mails.
So, now it's time for a little brutal honesty, after returning her feedback favor and giving her a new net feedback score of zero -
Let's see, you're the moron who apparently wasn't bright enough to bother to read the listing in the first place to find the clearly specified shipping/handling charge, and instead wasted my time asking for a total.
Then you send a non-USPS money order which isn't acceptable whether it has been modified or not, once again because you're either too stupid or lazy to read the listing.
Compounding your comedy of errors, instead of inquiring whether or not your screwed-up money order is acceptable or not, you just mail it. When told it is unacceptable, you demand that I return it to you, demonstrating that you think that someone else should take responsibility and incur time and expense to remedy your self-created problem.
Then to top it off, you make further ridiculous assumptions and demands and laughable threats.
Please do take your idiotic baloney to law enforcement, I'm sure they're in need of a humor break. Further, I couldn't care less who else you may have sent a money order to because it simply doesn't matter. This transaction is with me, not anyone in North Carolina or elsewhere and what anyone else does is of exactly no importance.
Finally, not only do I not have to look for a place to cash your money order, I don't have to accept it at all. As I said previously, the only two ways your money order will be returned to you are if 1) you provide a stamped, self-addressed envelope, or 2) you pay for your merchandise so I can include the unacceptable money order in the package.
In the future, you might consider actually reading listings and attempting not to act like a petulant child when you make a mess.
Which begets denial, sent twice, apparently for emphasis over and above the caps madness.
Or, perhaps another of her personalities saw it after assuming control and also thought it worthy of sending -
i CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY LET YOU SELL THINGS ON EBAY ! YOU HAVE TO BE THE RUDEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET . i MADE A SIMPLE ERROR AND I WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE MY PAYMENT BACK BEFORE I SEND A NEW ONE . iS THAT TO [sic] MUCH TO ASK . I WANT IT BACK BECAUSE WHO KNOWS IF THEY CAN TRUST YOU . APPERENTLY [sic] NOT! i WILL BE LEAVING NEGATIVE FEED BACK . YOU CAN LEAVE SOME ON ME I REALLY DON'T CARE . EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE SATISFIED WITH MY PROMPT PAYMENTS. YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST KEEP THE MONEY IF YOU WISH AND YOU CAN KEEP THE DOLL I REALLY DON'T CARE .YOU MUST NEED THE MONEY MORE THAN ME ! OR YOU WOULD NOT BE SO NEGATVE [sic] ABOUT SENDING IT BACK . ARE YOU SO TIGHT YOU CAN'T SPEND .37 AND BE A KIND PERSON ? iI [sic] GUESS SO . WELL JUST REMEMBER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND . AND FOR THE RECORD ON YOUR INVOICE I DID NOT SEE THE USPS MONEY ORDER THING . FUTHER MORE [sic] A MONEY ORDER IS A MONEY ORDER . GET A GRIP ! AND A LIFE APPERENTLLY [sic] YOU DON'T
And there it ends. Apparently, or apperentlly, she blew a fuse before she could finish that last sentence.
So, sensing a strong candidate for Hall membership, I decided she was worth a more fulsome effort -
I'm so sorry.
I was wrong to call you a child.
What I should have said was you seem to be a feebleminded incompetent with slightly less mental acuity than the average dog. I also apologize to children everywhere for comparing them to you. And I apologize in advance to dogs.
Now that we've cleared that up, on to the meat of the sad matter which is your attempt to communicate.
>i CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY LET YOU SELL THINGS ON EBAY !
Well, gosh, an eBay expert such as yourself, the proud possessor of one whole feedback for four whole days, oh, wait, uh, let's see, make that two feedbacks counting the shiny new negative from me you so richy deserved, should know why "they" do it. It's to drive imbeciles such as yourself around the bend.
>YOU HAVE TO BE THE RUDEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET .
You really should get out more. But not before you take your medications and learn where the 'Caps Lock' key is on your keyboard. Shouting isn't good for someone in your condition.
>i MADE A SIMPLE ERROR AND I WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE MY PAYMENT BACK BEFORE I SEND A NEW ONE . iS THAT TO [sic] MUCH TO ASK .
No, actually you've now made so many errors that they're hard to keep track of. But, that's all right, I'm sure this is a daily thing for you and unless you exceed 10 idiotic mistakes or actions, I'll cut you some slack.
But, I'm curious. A couple of hours before you put finger to keyboard to regurgitate your latest pile of nonsense, you claimed that you had, and I quote, "MAILED OUT A SELF ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPED [sic] THIS AFTERNOON" [emphasis in original].
Yet you now say "I WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE MY PAYMENT BACK BEFORE I SEND A NEW ONE . iS THAT TO [sic] MUCH TO ASK" as if you still maintain the delusion that I will send it out without the envelope you claim to have already sent.
So which is it? Have you forgotten your previous e-mail? Or was it a lie?
I'm sure you'll forgive me for having a glimmer of hope that some tiny degree of sanity may have returned to your thought process when you indicated that you were taking action to remedy your mistake, instead of demanding that I do so.
Silly me. It was obviously one of your other personalities talking about sending an envelope.
But, I do sincerely appreciate that one lower-case "I" in the middle of all of those caps, it was a welcome relief.
>I WANT IT BACK BECAUSE WHO KNOWS IF THEY [sic] CAN TRUST YOU . APPERENTLY [sic] NOT!
10,000 feedbacks say otherwise, but what do I know, you're the eBay expert. Oh, wait, there are those 50 or so negatives. What sort of people left them? Who are those 1/2 of one percent who seem to agree with you?
Why, they're people just like you, sport!
In fact, they're exactly like you. The similarities are so stiking that it seems more than a passing liklihood that you are all really some species of pod people out of a bad movie.
There are the non-readers. Check! That's you!
There are the non-payers. Check! That's you, at least for the moment.
There are the fly-off-the-handle newbie types who are too stupid to realize that a negative hurts them far more than it hurts me for the 48 hours it takes to scroll completely off of my first page of feedback. Check! That's you, yet again!
There are the ALL-CAPS types who can barely string three intelligible words together as they sputter and drool on their keyboards while spewing invective and threats. Check! That's you in spades.
There are the people who can't follow simple instructions. Check! That's you, too!
I could go on at great length, but you get the idea. Well, probably not. Suffice it to say that you fit like a glove onto the hand that is the whacked-out 1/2% who just don't get it, and probably never will.
>i WILL BE LEAVING NEGATIVE FEED BACK [sic] .
My, my, you certainly do seem to have a very serious short-term memory problem. First the envelope, and now this.
You left me a negative at 1:45 PM PDT, which is about 3 hours before your last e-mail, that's right, the very e-mail to which I am now responding.
In fact, you, like the complete blithering idiot you seem to be, left feedback an hour before you sent the e-mail before that, you know, the one in which you claim to have sent me an envelope. Remember that one? No? Didn't think so.
>YOU CAN LEAVE SOME ON [sic] ME I REALLY DON'T CARE .
Well, it's good to know that you approve, but I wouldn't want to get anything on you. Of course, since you are paying your usual amount of attention, which is to say none whatsoever, you are blissfully unaware that I left said feedback for you hours ago. In fact, it was just minutes after you left me that negative which you don't remember.
Life must be extremely interesting when you can't remember what you did 5 minutes ago. Perhaps you should write a book about your obviously extensive experience with that problem. Better write that down or you'll probably forget to do it. Wouldn't want to miss out on capitalizing on what may be your only talent!
>EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE SATISFIED WITH MY PROMPT PAYMENTS.
Perhaps they haven't yet tried to deposit your idea of a bankable money order. Reading between the lines of your previous comments, I'm sure the poor seller in North Carolina who got the money order initially payable to me but with my name scratched out and something else written in will have a very good time arguing with her bank about why they won't accept it.
I speak from experience. But you knew that, you just choose to ignore it when you make idiotic statements like "So dont [sic] tell me you cant [sic] find a place to cash it." Just as you appear to ignore most of the rest of reality.
>YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST KEEP THE MONEY IF YOU WISH AND YOU CAN KEEP THE DOLL I REALLY DON'T CARE .YOU MUST NEED THE MONEY MORE THAN ME [sic] ! OR YOU WOULD NOT BE SO NEGATVE [sic] ABOUT SENDING IT BACK . ARE YOU SO TIGHT YOU CAN'T SPEND .37 AND BE A KIND PERSON ? iI [sic] GUESS SO .
Manic-depressive much?
One minute you're blathering inanities about going to the "law" and the next you're professing not to care. I know, you probably think that consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds, so, go for it! Keep everyone confused!
I won't even get into what malady might be causing you to repeatedly make goofy assumptions about someone you have never met and know nothing about. That's for your mental health practitioners to sink their teeth into. Good luck. You're gonna need it.
>WELL JUST REMEMBER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND .
Trite, meaningless sayings much? Couldn't you even rant on a bit more about how a simple recitation of inconvenient facts constitutes rudeness?
>AND FOR THE RECORD ON YOUR INVOICE I DID NOT SEE THE USPS MONEY
Why do I feel like I'm speaking to a three-year-old?
I realize that your poor reading and comprehension skills prevented you from deciphering and understanding the word "listing" in my phrase "you're either too stupid or lazy to read the listing" but try to follow along anyway.
An eBay listing specifies how payment may be made.
A primative eBay invoice details the amount due and says nothing about acceptable methods of payment because that's in the listing and isn't the purpose of the invoice.
They're separate things. You have to read both of them.
I know that's probably a new concept to you, but mull it over for a while. It might sink in. You'll excuse me if I don't hold my breath.
>FUTHER MORE A MONEY ORDER IS A MONEY ORDER . GET A GRIP !
Perhaps it is in the alternate world you inhabit, but here in reality the USPS would beg to differ with you. And so do I, but I realize that it's completely and utterly pointless. Facts are stubborn things. Except to you.
>AND A LIFE APPERENTLLY [sic] YOU DON'T
There you go with the ridiculous assumptions again. But, seriously, is "get a life" the best you can come up with? That doesn't pass for witty repartee with anyone over the age of 6 or 7. You really must try to do better so that you avoid abjectly embarrassing yourself. Or yourselves, depending on what the results of your next mental assessment are, coming soon, to a psych ward near you.
In a battle of wits, an unarmed man is painful to watch. You're excruciating. At least try to bring a knife to your next gun fight. You'll still lose badly, but it'll be a vast improvement.
At this point, having exhausted the topic of your pitiful attempt at communication, I'll leave you to whatever cogitation you can muster and wish you as nice a day as your limited capabilities allow.
I was hoping for an outburst, but instead what flowed was only more drivel from the vapor-locked brain of someone who is truly dense and remains unarmed -
Yes i was a ware [sic] of the caps lock and i did send out the envelope . And i would appericate [sic] it if you would not e-mail me again . you are so childish . i don't want the doll so please don't wait on the money order i am sure you need your time to make fun of people. Please take some of your time to grow up
Then, her equally dense husband or boyfriend or one of the other voices in her head throws anothers two cents worth in -
This is not the person you have been speeking [sic] with so I will say a few things. With all these fancy words your [sic] using why are you spending your time selling dolls for 14 or 15 dollars a piece. YOU talk about childish. Why dont [sic] you get a real job........ Thats [sic] just a suggestion!!!! Also if you cant [sic] afford a 37 cent stamp and a envelope to put it in, just keep the money and we will keep sending money to your welfare fund. It almost seems like you have nothing better to do besides sit in front of your computer and push key's [sic] all day. What a life. WHO NEEDS A SHRINK!!!!!!!!!!!
Speeking?
ROTFLMAO!
Stupidity must be contagious. Either that, or my theory that there is more than one voice in her head is correct.
But, it deserved one last stab:
>a ware [sic] of the
A ware?
What is that, anyway? Some sort of double-wide-speak? Jesus, learn how to spell.
In any case, not to worry, I won't be wasting any further time on you, so you can put your brain cell at ease.
As much as I appreciate a genuine goober flailing about trying to make sense or defend the indefensible, you're hopeless.
But, congratulations! You're so utterly hopeless that you'll be inducted into my Clueless Bidder Hall of Fame soon. It's quite a distinction. Over the course of 8 years and 22,000 sales, they are only 7 other people who have been worthy of inclusion.
The story of your antics will provide a few laughs for the many people who check the Hall for updates from time to time. Let it never be said that you have no redeeming value!
So, welcome to the Hall, #8, you're a real piece of work! As is your husband/boyfriend/voice in your head! You're truly an expert. I salute you!
It remains to be seen whether an envelope shows up.
Update - [Drum roll] And the envelope, please.
As some versions of Mozilla seem to have trouble properly displaying large text files and I don't want to force anyone to have to use IE to see all of the trevails of #8, I've split the file.
Mash this to read on.
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